Shame on us all

A few weeks ago some angry parents went to the Oxford Board of Selectmen's meeting to voice their concerns about the alleged behavior of a member of the Oxford Recreation Committee.

They did this in a public forum. It was reported on by area newspapers which cover what is said during these meetings.

And all hell broke loose.

Newspapers were threatened if they printed anything. Newspapers were castigated because they printed something.

So let's think about this.

Coaches are volunteers and most are parents. They spend a lot of time working with youngsters.

The Oxford Baseball/Softball Association is a booster club –  like those found in most schools – which raises funds and supports the Oxford teams.

The Oxford Recreation Committee is a committee appointed by the board of selectmen that uses taxpayer dollars to provide recreation for the town's children.

Those who serve on the committee are public servants and public figures. They work for the selectmen.

Gary Smith, in his role as a member of the rec committee, is a public servant.

In Oxford, children play for a Cal Ripkin League. Ripken’s name has become synonymous with strength, character, perseverance and integrity. (In 1999, Babe Ruth League Inc. changed the name of its largest division (5-12 year-olds) from Bambino to Cal Ripken Baseball.)

The official website notes: "As coaches, we need to be able to cater to the needs of the kid who can't catch one ball and still make baseball fun and exciting for the kid who can. It's a difficult balance but one that's important to understand at all levels."

And this, perhaps, is really the point here.

According to Larry Sanborn (at the July 10 workshop), Gary Smith flew off the handle over the lack of "shop wear" on the Cow Flop Bingo tickets, and lit into Coach Randy Mills who is a parent who volunteers his time to coach.

"By his own admission [Smith said] – 'I could have handled it better ... I apologized ...,'" Sanborn informed the gathering.

All of this was confirmed by Smith at the July 10 meeting.

The problem comes with where Smith did this.

He did it at a June 20 Oxford White Sox baseball game. Next to the dugout. In front of both home team and visiting parents. In front of the children.

He should have waited until he could speak with Mills alone, to have the conversation. (He probably would have been calmer by then and the conversation might have been less confrontational.)

It is all about how you play the game and this game is not being played very well at all.

Instead, he made a choice. He chose to confront Mills right then and there. "I did overstep my bounds," said Smith during the workshop. "I admitted it to Randy and I apologized to him."

Where is the fun watching adult role models behaving badly?

Smith has also been publicly accused of belittling the kids. According to parents who witnessed the behavior: Smith told Mills "these kids are worthless ... the worst team in the league."

The sad irony here is that Smith was not talking about their ball-playing abilities. He was referring to their lack of Cow Flop Bingo ticket sales. But neither the kids nor the parents knew that. Later the coaches told the upset parents what the comment was in reference to. But what will stick with the children is "worthless, worst team."

Let us not forget, however, that Gary Smith has served the community as a coach, umpire and teacher for many, many years.

While understandably defensive, it does appear that Smith has a short fuse. His demeanor at the July 10 selectmen's workshop,  was loud, defensive and confrontational. One might assume he was attempting to control himself in that setting ... .

His attack against the parents who complained to the select board was simply wrong. He accused them of being a "police group" and said they were not, they were just a fundraising group and should not have brought their concerns to the selectmen but to the rec committee.

We are all "police" when it comes to our children. It would be irresponsible if we were not. Each and every one of us has a responsibility to look out for the welfare of the children in our society.

Those parents had every right and, in fact, an obligation to share concerns with the people who appointed the person they were concerned about.

Not only that, they did it exactly the right way – in an adult forum away from the kids.

So if we unravel all the accusations and counter accusations, (as Sanborn said, "shame on us all") it seems as though this all started with something that has been acknowledged and apologized for.

Only thing missing is an apology to the kids.