What I've Learned

When I was a teenager, I went to the home of a girl I liked – and who I hoped would like me – to work on a school assignment.

While waiting for her to come down, I overheard her younger sister in the kitchen talking to a friend.

"What's he doing here?" the friend asked.

"He and LeeAnn are gonna do some homework."

"Eeewww," her friend said. "He's such a creep."

"I know," said the sister. "Such a creep."

This hit me like a punch in the stomach. I'd never thought of myself as a creep. Creeps were low-life types at school who were dirty and fancied themselves tough guys. Creeps were revulsive and not very smart. Is this how girls saw me – unattractive in a creepy kind of way?

LeeAnn and I did the assignment, but my confidence was totally shot. All I could think was she probably considers me a creep, just like her sister does. Never in my life had I felt worse than that evening.

In 1992 the song, Creep, by Radiohead was released, but I didn't hear it until 1999, when I was 50 years old. Tears flooded my eyes.

The lyric, in case you've never heard it, consists of thoughts addressed to a girl and starts with the lines, "When you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye."

The singer goes on to tell her (in his mind) how like an angel she is and how special she is.

In the radio version released in the United States, Radiohead sang, "You're so very special." On the album, the word very is replaced by an adjective form of the f word.

The singer follows that with, "I wish I was special," then adds the saddest words of any song, "But I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here."

Sung badly – go to YouTube and search for Creep Cover and you can find myriad examples of this – sung badly, it is still a powerful song. Sung well, it will tear your heart out.

The best cover, probably ever, of Creep was recorded this year by a singer named Carrie Manolakos. Search for Manolakos and Creep on YouTube, but make sure you're sitting down and have something to hold onto before listening to it. Otherwise, you may fall out of your chair.

Watch the one recorded April 2 at Le Poisson Rouge and posted by CarrieManolakosMusic. (Not the one from March 26 nor the one posted by Sab6888 or anyone else). Be aware, she sings the original f word version.

There's a good non-f word version by Jayme Dee. Search for Jayme Dee and Creep.

In the 2004 movie, Ils se marièrent et eurent beaucoup d'enfants (aka And They Lived Happily Ever After), Johnny Depp has an extended cameo that involves the song. Gabrielle (played by Charlotte Gainsbourg) is a married woman. She's in a large music store and puts on some headphones to listen to a featured CD, Radiohead's first album, Pablo Honey.

The song she's listening to is Creep. Johnny Depp walks up and puts on a set of headphones as well. The two stand side by side listening, and Gabrielle steals sideways glances at this good-looking stranger.

The song, coupled with Gabrielle's subtle but obvious awareness of the man standing next to her, speaks volumes about what she must be thinking and feeling. It's now a very famous scene. Search YouTube for Depp and Gainsbourg and you should be able to find a clip.

I recently learned that in 1993, when Creep was released as a single in Britain, the BBC's music station, Radio 1, refused to play it, declaring it to be too depressing.

It's not depressing, just sad and achingly beautiful.

You can take my word for it as a creep.